Birthday Parties and Spirited Kids

Birthday Parties: A Challenge AND an Opportunity

Birthday parties are deemed one of the top stressors for young children. Add in a spirited temperament and you’ve got a potential hotbed of meltdown triggers, like surprises, new situations, crowds and more.

What’s a parent to do? Avoid all birthday parties? Or recognize that birthday parties provide an excellent opportunity to develop essential life skills. Skills like:

Planning. Teach your child how to eliminate unsettling surprises by gathering information before an event occurs. If possible, contact the host to find out what the agenda will be. How many people will be attending. The time and length of the event and where it will be held. With this information in hand plans can be laid to address any concerns. For example, if it’s a public venue, you can visit the site before the party so your child will know what to expect.

How to manage over stimulating environments: Birthday parties are often loud and exciting. Spirited children need coping strategies to help them be successful. Words to say like, “It’s too noisy, my bubbles are up. I need a break.” Tools to use such as headphones, and sunglasses to lower stimulation levels. Actions to take like stepping away to get a drink of water. And to know that while this venue may be fun for others, it is not for them. They can choose to leave early, or simply not to go.

Social graces: It is unlikely that a young child will realize that the gift they select will be given to another child who will keep it! Nor that only the birthday child opens gifts! Or, if they are the birthday child, that they are expected to thank the giver – even if they do not like the gift. Create opportunities for your child to practice watching others open gifts so they can practice dealing with their disappointment with your support. Talk about and create story boards to explain how gift giving works. Give them words to respectfully say, “thank you for this gift, or to decline food by saying, “No thank you.” Or when requesting something to say, “May I please...”

Handling surprises: Despite planning for success, a surprise may occur. Help your child remain calm by naming it. “That is a surprise!” Or “That’s not what I expected.” When we name an emotion, we reduce the intensity of it. Practice effective responses like, “I need a few minutes.” Or “I’d like to watch first.”

Spirited kids can be the life of the party – when we teach them the skills for success.

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